INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS · LOVELIED + ROMCONNED
What relationship are you actually in?
You hear “I love you.” You feel anxious asking a question. You are promised a future, but you keep adjusting your expectations to preserve the present.
Something feels off. You may not know whether it is miscommunication, incompatibility, deception, manipulation or control. My work begins with what is happening between you.
Words Inform. Actions Demonstrate. Patterns Reveal.
LOVE LIED
When words and behavior stop matching.
A future that never gets closer. A separation the spouse knows nothing about. An apology followed by the same behavior. A relationship you are investing in while someone else quietly lives another life.
LoveLied examines contradiction, betrayal, hidden behavior and the gap between what someone says and what they repeatedly do.
He says he wants marriage. The future keeps moving further away.
She says the relationship matters. You are the only one making room for it.
They say you can trust them. Every question becomes an argument about your insecurity.
Was the relationship you were told you were in the relationship you were actually in?
LoveLied examines promises, affairs, double lives, hidden relationships, repeated broken agreements and the explanations that keep someone invested. We examine what happened, how it was explained, what repeated, and what the person began changing about themselves to keep the relationship going. A contradiction can raise a question without answering it. The analysis depends on the pattern and the information available.
LoveLied is a developing series within my Inside Relationships work, alongside RomConned.
ROMCONNED
Where is the con inside the connection?
Inside Relationships — From Confusion to Crime
Sometimes the question begins with confusion. Sometimes the pattern reveals manipulation, coercive control, financial exploitation, identity deception or a romance scam. Sometimes more information changes the interpretation again.
RomConned goes back inside the relationship. What drew you in? What made someone credible? When did something first shift? What did you change about yourself to manage it? What happened often enough that it became normal?
The relationship itself can become the mechanism. Trust creates access. Intimacy creates investment. A shared future gives someone a reason to keep trying. Those things can then be used to obtain money, labor, sex, silence, compliance or control.
I created and independently host RomConned. The analysis depends on the behavior and context. A lie, a harmful pattern and a crime require different conclusions.
#iTrusted
My trust was exploited.
“I fell for it” compresses an entire relationship into a judgment about the person harmed. “I trusted” opens a different question: how did someone become believable, and how was that trust used?
Presenter, National Center for Victims of Crime National Training Institute, 2026
Someone can be shown evidence of fraud and still believe the relationship is real. A family can recognize the deception and struggle to reach the person experiencing it. A professional can document a financial loss while still needing to understand the relationship that made it possible.
#iTrusted is my developing training and consultation initiative focused on those challenges. It brings relationship expertise, lived experience, research, and professional education to how people experiencing romance fraud are recognized, approached, interviewed, and supported.
Words Inform. Actions Demonstrate. Patterns Reveal.
MY LIVED EXPERIENCE
I trusted him. That is part of what happened.
Six months of daily video calls came before the financial requests. Gifts arrived. A future was discussed. When he told me to buy a first-class ticket and promised to wire the money, I believed I was paying an expense that would be reimbursed.
Later, “Why did you buy the ticket?” sounded like the obvious question. It left out the relationship that made the promise believable.
I questioned contradictions. I tried to verify what he told me. As the situation changed, so did my goal. Eventually, I was trying to manage my way out and get home.
I bring that experience into my work because it gives me specific questions to ask. What did this person believe? What information were they missing? What were they trying to accomplish—or avoid—when they made that decision?
FRAMEWORKS AND CONCEPTS
Ghost Flags, Function Shifts and the NO Test
GHOST FLAGS
What color is a red flag before you know it is a red flag?
An early shift or contradiction may not yet tell you what it means. A Ghost Flag is a moment whose significance becomes clearer as the pattern develops. Calling it a red flag someone ignored assumes they already had information that arrived later.
FUNCTION SHIFTS
What is the behavior doing now?
Generosity can create closeness. It can also create a debt you are expected to repay through compliance. Concern can support you. It can also become the explanation for restricting your choices. We examine when the function changes. Function Shifts is an existing concept I apply, not one I created.
THE NO TEST
What happens when you say no?
Someone may seem generous and patient while they are getting what they want. Their response to a limit gives you more information. Do they listen, negotiate, withdraw affection, blame, threaten or punish? One response is information. Repetition reveals the pattern. The NO Test can be used to examine boundaries that have already occurred. Safety matters; it is not a reason to provoke a dangerous response.
#iTrusted
My trust was exploited.
“I fell for it” compresses an entire relationship into a judgment about the person harmed. “I trusted” opens a different question: how did someone become believable, and how was that trust used?
Presenter, National Center for Victims of Crime National Training Institute, 2026
BROADER INSIDE RELATIONSHIPS CONVERSATIONS
Relationships also shape what groups and institutions tolerate.
Who gets believed? Who gets protected? What happens when loyalty requires silence? Why does someone withdraw a disclosure—and what can we responsibly conclude from that?
My Inside Relationships conversations also examine family dynamics, groupthink, gender, institutional responses and the social pressure surrounding disclosure. These subjects belong alongside the intimate relationship work because relationships influence what people do, excuse and report.
Add “I Love You” and Suddenly the Victim Gets Blamed
Cornell Allegations: Analyzing Loyalty and Silence in Relationships
Inside a TRUE Bitcoin Romance Scam: How He Got Her to Keep Sending Money
CONTACT LAUREL
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